Last month, we focused on how to tap into our intuition and trust ourselves. But what happens if we have a gut instinct and we ignore it? Or we follow our intuition but we make a mistake anyway?
Trusting Intuition But Also Building Resilience
It is indeed very important to trust our intuition but it is equally important that we build our resilience for when things go wrong. Because, despite our best intentions and our most finely tuned Spidey senses, bad things cannot always be prevented.
Be Careful!
This brings to mind a habit Rebecca’s mother, Lee, has of cautioning Rebecca whenever she is about to travel to “Be careful!” Of course we can forgive Lee, who like most mothers is worried about her daughter’s safety. But at a certain point Rebecca realized it had been so steadfastly ingrained in her to avoid danger that even though it had likely spared her some measure of hardship, as a result she was less equipped to manage it when it came her way.
Bouncing Back When Bad Things Happen
The gist of this being that there is sweet point between being careful and avoiding mishaps (which, as we explored in our last newsletter, we can sometimes prevent by tuning into and listening to our intuition) and building up the capacity to bounce back when bad things happen (which they inevitably will despite our attempts to prevent them).
The Dimensions of Resilience
Resilience is such a broad concept that it can sometimes suffer in practical application. At its core it means the degree to which we recover from hardship. But resilience is not fixed. We can be more resilient in some areas (e.g., physically hearty but more emotionally sensitive) and also more resilient at different times (e.g., in the morning, when we are full or energy, or when things are going well at work). In other words, we can think about our resilience within certain domains—relational (personal and professional, romantic, familial), physical, emotional, ways we think about what’s happening in our life and how we perceive the world, etc.—and across time be it hourly, daily, seasonal, developmental phases, etc.
Compounding Stressors and Our Baseline of Resilience
Our resilience is also impacted by the number of stressors we are coping with—at a certain point they can have a compounding effect and leave us more depleted than we might normally be. We may also be more or less resilient than others around us so it important to identify our own unique strengths and vulnerabilities and not expect ourselves to recover at the same rate as others, or vice versa expect others to recover the same way we do.
Fostering Resilience
We also suggest that you clearly identify what fosters your resilience. When things get hard, what gets you through? Although the answer might be quite simple, it can be important to explore what helps you recover from challenges so that you can be sure those resources/strategies are lined up when difficulties actually arise. Because, although most of us are trying to “be careful” and avoid hardship, some of it will inevitably cross our path.
Be Carefree and Recover Quickly
So, although Rebecca’s attempts to get her mother to stop saying “Be Careful” and replace that with “Be Carefree and Recover Quickly” have failed (to be fair that phrase is far from catchy), we encourage you to focus less on avoiding difficulties and aim more for bouncing back when things don’t go well. If you can come up with a more appealing phrase for that, let us know!
Resources for Wellbeing
Click here for a handout on ways to build your resilience. It goes into a compilation of strategies (see below) that have been recommended by the many outstanding organizations that provide resources and promote education on resilience and wellbeing.
1. Positive Relationships and Support
2. Self-Care and Self-Awareness
3. Express the Stress
4. Positive Experiences and Emotions
5. Attend to the Good
6. Cultivate Optimism
7. Identify and Develop Your Strengths
8. Accomplish Something Everyday
9. Connect with Meaning and Purpose
Measuring Your Resilience
We also direct you to an online assessment that measures your resilience across different domains. It is free and gives you instant feedback (you will have to go through a brief series of screening questions before you get to the assessment). Click here to access that tool.
Art Directive
We suggest that you think about the resources and strengths that help you recover from difficulties. An easy way to mine for this is to consider what has gotten you through particularly challenging times of your life. Keep this image as a reminder of what is good in your life and as a source of strength.